It’s kind of funny – or at least it is to me – when I sat down to write this little guide for wives (and maybe their husbands too) it was meant to be more of a cathartic release for me, a chance to shout at the wind in my little corner of the Internet. After all, I am the guy that yells at his TV while watching football, a little part of my brain thinking that Tom Brady can actually hear me pointing out that Julian Edelman is sitting by his lonesome in the flat wide open waving his hands like a fool. So when I sat to write the first part I approached it in much the same way as when I am watching football, meaning that I was reacting to an observation and needed folks to have a reaction – while not expecting an actual reaction to occur. Color me surprised when I noticed a spike in hits, I must have hit a good beat for those internet bots.
Anyway, here is part 2. It also deals with communication with your new (or old) husband.
I cannot stress this enough. No matter how long you and your husband have been together he will not be able to read your mind! There is a myth – sold mostly by sappy romcoms and stacks of Harlequin romance paperbacks – that “the one” will know your soul so well that he will just “know” how to make you happy and will always do what you want when you need him to without lifting a finger or communicating.
The cruelest – and most fight inducing – thing you can say to your husband is, “If you love me you would know what I need…” Tell me why do we do this to ourselves?
Okay, ladies. I will make this plain and simple. We men are not mind readers and are largely mystified by your behavior and without communication queues, we are not going to know what you need. This sort of ties into my last post – I think a trend is forming – concerning our need to fix stuff. We want to be what you need but unless you tell us what you need we are going to guess and a good chunk of the time we will guess wrong and piss you off in the process.
Now I am not saying that you need to micromanage your husband, especially when it comes to the division of work around the house – with an agreed to plan he should be fairly self-sufficient…
Okay, sometimes we forget the garbage, recycles or picking up the dog poop in the backyard but on the most part we will take care of these things – contrary to what modern sitcoms would have us believe.
I am really talking about your in the moment needs. Like a foot rub after a long day at work or a back rub because you were carrying a child on your hip all day long. Dropping hints about sore feet or aching backs are great and will – should – get a grunt of sympathy; but if you want us to spend an hour massaging your stress away just ask and we will. It really is that simple. Remember, we love you and we show you that we love by fixing stuff for you.
By asking us for a foot rub, run a special bath or prepare dinner you are expressing a need for us to fix a problem for you and that will make us feel valued and you will, in turn, get what you need/want.
That said, husbands. Unless you talk to your wife about what is the right way to ask you for things, she is going to stumble around and you might hear that “If you love me…” phrase. You need to step up, earlier rather than later, and work out with her how to ask you for the things that she wants. Stick to these little rules that you agree to with your wife and things will go easier.