Marriage 101

I apologize for the delay in posts, life as it were got in the way. My writing on the whole had to take a back-seat to the day job, being a husband and being a father.

That is one of the things that spurred this mini-blog post, Being a Husband.

I am not going to sugar coat my thoughts/beliefs on this particular subject and I say these things not to offend, though I know I will, but to express my belief.

Marriage these days has started to collect so many different meanings. I don’t want to get into the weeds with all of that; for my purposes I will define marriage as, the Creation of a Husband and Wife through the union of an unmarried man and an unmarried woman for the purpose of creating family. Does this mean that all married people need to have children? No, not at all. But the creation and merging of families is a big important part.

That said I want to speak now about being a husband and a couple of things one should consider before becoming a husband.

  • Marriage is not playing house : Your spouse is not a means to an end in terms of putting a roof over your head. You don’t get married just to merge incomes, buy a house and play house with one another.
  • Marriage is not just about love : While love is a corner stone of a marriage it is not the only piece of the puzzle. In those early blushes of love that accompany the first days of a relationship will eb with time, during those periods many couples feel as if their marriage is over because they don’t “feel” that rush of passion in the same way. Go to marriage knowing that there will be highs and lows in that passion.
  • Marriage is not just a word : Don’t get married just because you need to tick off a item on a todo list. Don’t get married just because you see friends getting married. Don’t get married just because you want to call yourself a husband.
  • Marriage is not about control : Don’t get married if you think that will give you control over your would-be wife. Don’t get married if you believe that will “fix” jealousy.

Here are a couple more items to keep in mind before you walk down the aisle.

  • Marriage is work : Marriage is not easy and not something that can be ignored after the honeymoon. Every day you must work at your marriage to keep it healthy and growing.
  • Marriage is partnership : The husband and the wife in a marriage are equal partners; however, their roles are different. There are things that your wife will do easier, better and more efficiently than you; at the same time there are things that you will do easier, better and more efficiently than she. The partnership of marriage works best when you embrace the differences and strengths of your spouse and allow them to flourish.
  • Marriage is sacrifice : When you tie your life to another person you are willing to take second place, I am not saying that you should give up your needs/desires/hobbies or that you should abandon your personality. I am saying that there will be times that your wife’s needs/desires will out weigh yours and you will need to put her first. You will need to be willing to put another person first and that is the hardest thing of all.
  • Marriage is worth it : Out on the interwebs there are all these studies that prove through science that marriage is healthy, natural and something that extend the quality of our lives. As hard and frustrating as it can be, being a part of a healthy marriage is the most rewarding thing (excepting perhaps being a parent) that we can do in our lives.

Modern movements and popular culture have been spreading word that marriage is old fashion and no longer relevant. That we can redefine it as we see fit. I disagree, going into marriage with open eyes, open heart with a willingness to do the hard work will add true meaning to your life. Meaning that is worth more than all the worldly successes.

 

BTW – more fiction will be coming soon….

 

Brian

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